The Python Hunt Is Over: It’s Time For Reflections???

The total number of registrants was 1,563 and they ponied up $39,075.00 in registration fees to bag a grand total of 68 pythons. They came from 38 states, Washington D.C. and two Canadian provinces to walk levees, tromp sawgrass and wade in water.

The first real news of a happening occurred just a few days before the contest closed, the Thursday prior to Sunday the 10th. Two guys in their 20’s from Tennessee got dehydrated, disoriented, overheated and well, lost, and had to call for help. They were airlifted about 15 miles to civilization, treated on the spot and released; no names given. The boys had been sleeping in their car, but it is not known whether it was rented or driven down from hillbilly country.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 Now, in this day and age with cars, airplanes, AAA roadmaps, and GPS, you would think it would be hard to get lost in or near civilization. Two famous men from Tennessee, Sam Houston who was born in Virginia but became Governor of TN, and Davy Crockett, a former TN U.S. Congressman, both found their way to San Antonio, TX with none of the aforementioned luxuries of today. The sad part is that Davy, a volunteer, died at ‘The Alamo’. I had speculated in an earlier edition the he had been eaten by an alligator, since a coonskin hat with tail, a leather shirt with fringe and a pair of Ugg® boots had been discovered during a stombotomy on a pestiferous gator. Forgive me, that was not Davy. That was Dan’l Boone. So sorry for the confusion. Sam, then a Texas Army Commander, was nearby but not at the Alamo on the fateful day. So he survived to fight again and got a big city named after him.

 May I digress further please? Thank you!

 An infamous sort from Tennessee who recently sold his TV station to Muslim questionables is said to not be able to find his buttocks with both hands, and his is an ample buttocks. Hey Roy Roseville, buttocks is also referred to as behind, bottom, bum, butt, caboose, can, derrière, fanny, junk-in-the-trunk, patootie, posterior, rear, rump, seat, tail, or tush. I hope I got all the good ones, anyway. Is that helpful? I believe Al Gore was once asked by an expert to find his buttocks. The expert dug a small hole with a small shovel by Al’s left foot and said that’s a hole in the ground. He then dug a small hole by the right foot and said that’s your buttocks. Then he turned two full circles, said hocus pocus and asked AL, where’s your ass? Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend anyone with vulgarity, but that’s what he asked him. Al, figuring he was being duped, pointed to the left foot. Need I say anything more? Modern day Tennesseans aren’t as versatile and knowledgeable as the pioneers that preceded them. That is why the two boys got lost.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 I saw a published accounting of one registered hunter walking along a levee with a live chicken on a leash.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 He was lucky that one of Alvin’s kin didn’t get a whiff of the fowl or he might have had to jump on a gator instead of a python. The article did not say whether the chicken was a hen or a rooster. If a rooster, it could have been a survivor of a Filipino ‘Cock’ fight and was expendable. No offense Ray Rocklin. You know what I’m talking about! Don’t you?

 I have searched high and low for the photo without success. The picture below is actually a substitute for the real thing. If it shows up down the road, I will pass it along. Sorry!

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 Another accounting described a guy riding a bicycle along a levee with a lacrosse goal mounted on the front. I am assuming he was an amateur hunter. Seems like the chicken and bicycle were pretty much restricted to levees and not adaptable to water or sawgrass habitat.

 You remember Justin Matthews don’t you. He is the convict with the trained Harris hawk. Well it seems that Justin came up with a big goose egg for the hunt. The hawk needed a tree to land in for the search but there were none available in the areas of the Everglades where hunting was allowed. I thought the bird was going to spot pythons by flying around over the area like our drones do over Afghanistan spotting terrorists to squeal on or bomb. Guess not!!! As a result, Justin had to endure the elements like everyone else with no advantage.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 It seems the contest started like a hurricane with mucho potency. As time went by and not many snakes were killed, the horde of hunters became disenchanted. There were rumors, but no published accounts, of drunkenness and yahoos killing non-authorized animals with their weapons. So the challenge that came in like a hurricane went out with the voracity of a hot summer day’s whirlwind in Southern Arizona. The FWC swears the event was a tremendous success. More people in Florida and world are now aware of the problem than ever before. Even though the numbers killed were small and will have little or no effect on the breeding population in the ‘Glades’, there are 68 fewer bodies slithering around down there. The impact on the environment will be about as potent as a ‘popcorn fart’ in the Southern Arizona whirlwind. Sorry again for the vulgarity. Hopefully much will be gleaned from the scientist’s investigations.

 May I digress further please? Thank you!

 They say the pythons have totally eliminated the rabbit population in the parks. Hey Joanna and Dennis Denver and Ro and Andy Denver; heads up. They happen to be shirttail relatives of mine, in-laws not out-laws, and very much revered by the way. The ladies are the Wife’s sisters and the gentlemen are their husbands. Sorry for dragging this out but it is all relevant! Heh, heh! Joanna and Dennis are snowbirds from Denver who own a home in the Lakewood Ranch, FL suburb of University Park. They spend about half of the year in each place. Ro and Andy are not old enough to be snowbirds yet and stick it out in Denver year round. Rabbits started this all! Right?

 The old airport in Denver, Stapleton Field I think, was located in the populated city area. The powers to be decided a few years ago to build a new airport about 75 miles from where anyone lived; out where the wild animals roamed. Do you remember the fiasco surrounding the installation of the luggage eating distribution system they selected? Recently, but I don’t know what to call a bunch of rabbits. The Wife Googled it and said it is a warren. OK! A warren of rabbits, headed up by their notorious leader, named ‘Bugs Bunny’, set up residence in the airport’s parking lots to use the warmth the parked cars offered them for protection. They soon became hungry and in the search for food discovered that in 2002 the automakers started using electrical wiring harnesses and spark plug wires with soybean based protective coatings.

.Unsuspecting travelers now often return to find out their cars won’t start and they may be faced with a few dollars to a few thousand dollars worth of wiring damage. Auto insurance usually does not cover the damage. Bugs and his warren mates are being attacked by building better fence exclusion, setting up perches for hawks and eagles in the vicinity to squat on and the government is trapping and killing them somehow to help keep them off the active airport runways. Remember all the tricks and devices the guy in North Fort Meyers tried and installed to discourage Vubba Vulture and his wrecking crew? They liked rubber around windshields and wiper blades. I don’t know if they are soybean based or not. When the rabbits get their fill of soybean based wire coating, they revert back to what they are best known for.

 I rambled on and was going to suggest that my relatives may consider making a few bucks by trapping and shipping pythons to Denver from Florida to eliminate Bugs and his clan like they did in the ‘Glades’. But then I recalled that pythons don’t like cold weather and would beat a path back to Florida or most likely succumb to the Colorado deep freeze. Oh well, thanks for putting up with my ‘Ramblin’. Oh by the way, Dennis and Joanna have a limo service pick them up and take them to and from the airport and aren’t affected anyway. I don’t know about Andy and Ro, sorry.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 RESULTS

After the challenge started another sponsor came forward with money to offer a $750 second prize in each category.

Pros

Longest- 11’ 1”- $1000.00 Blake Russ

2^nd place- 10’ 7”- $1000.00 Ruben Ramirez (see below)

3^rd place- 10’ 4”- $750.00 Ruben Ramirez

 Most- 18- $1500.00 Ruben Ramirez

2^nd place- 5- $750.00 Blake Russ

 A faux pas by a UF Professor, my-o- my, resulted in the longest snake award in the pro division being presented to the wrong person. The snakes had to be killed and processed for science to be entered in the competition by the rules, with exceptions. Prior to the kill and entry of what turned out to be the winning longest snake, the powers to be decided to implant a tracking transmitter into the beast and release it back into the wild. The absent minded professor measured and weighed the winner but forgot to tell the recorder what was going on. So there really is an absent minded professor.

 A total of three male pythons were implanted and released for tracking during the mating season. Scientists are hoping to locate, capture and kill many females the implanted males locate.                                                             

 As a result of all the confusion, the FWC awarded the real winner with a $1000.00 prize and didn’t ask Mr. Ramirez to return his award. One undocumented report indicated Mr. Ramirez, who has a snake removal business in Miami, had one partner and they donated their $3250.00 winnings to a fund for a young girl with cancer and no insurance. Good for them, if true!

 Amateurs

Longest-14’ 3”- $1000.00 Paul Shannon

2^nd place- 14’ 2.3”- $750.00 Rigoberto Figuero

 Hey Rene Tucson, that is no joke, check it out! I could not let that one pass without comment! I have known a couple of guys whose name ended with ‘berto’, but never one starting with ‘Rigo’! Did Wetto get the meat yet?

 Most- 6- $1500.00 Brian Barrows

2^nd place- 5- $750.00 Bill Booth

 Most winners had one or more members on his team.

 I’m exhausted! But that’s just me! Bye!!!!

Few Reptiles to Stombotomize

For your information, none of the pythons shown in this Ramblin’ are entries in the challenge!  They were all previous captures.

A stombotomy performed on the snake pictured above revealed it had consumed a small alligator. Ha, ha!! These big snakes, in the neighborhood of 16 feet, will eat almost anything. Last January, a report by the U.S. Geological Survey showed pythons had dropped raccoon and opossum populations by 99 percent in Everglades National Park. There were no rabbits or foxes left in the area. Without any natural predators, the snake’s population has ballooned. The latest estimates put the number at 100,000 slithering in the park. A stombotomy performed on the python below exposed a 76 pound deer without horns. The snake was just lucky, I’m guessing. The old guy looks like someone I know back in Rocklin. But it’s not him.

May I digress please? Thank you!

Hey Rene Tucson, would you relay a message to Wetto from me, please? I’m thanking you in advance! Thank You!

 “Hey Wetto, I am sorry to inform you that the python meat in question contains high levels of mercury and nitrates that exceed those recommended for human consumption. That may or may not affect your decision to purchase all the available meat through me for inclusion in your café’s hot dogs. If you think the tainted meat will improve the taste and/or quality of your dogs, I will be happy to process the order and prepare it for transport. I am anxiously awaiting your response, as I would very much like to do business with you. I am retired you know! Thank you”!

Even though I am not a democrat, I also am not averse to feathering my pockebook by taking advantage of an unfortunate situation that pops up. The chemical contamination of the reptile meat is just a bump in the road, not a pot hole.

May I regress please? Thank you!

Hunters turning in dead pythons to the authorities must submit a data form and may state in the comments section they want the skin returned to them after the University of Florida scientists perform the stombotomy and record other scientific data. The stombotomy is performed to determine what the creature consumed for its last meal. I thought I would be able to get the skins directly from the University for nothing and sell them to Tony Lama over in El Paso. Now I find out I will have to deal with each hunter individually and they will be expecting payment based on skin size and quality. I can visualize them dickering like a used car salesman. Hey Roy Roseville, ‘dickering’ is the art of bargaining or agreeing on a price. I thought you would like to know.

A reliable source said some hotsy totsy fabricators out of the exclusive areas in South Florida will be willing to shell out $150 to $200/skin to make purses, belts and billfolds.

May I digress please? Thank you!

I think I told you a young fellow fishing in my lake saw Alvin the other day. He is the 4-5 footer in the lake, you know. But I bet the majority of you don’t know there are only two species of alligators in the whole world. One lives in the Southeast U.S. and the other in a small area of Eastern China. And in the U.S. the only place that crocodiles live are in the Southern tip of Florida and the Florida Keys in brackish and/or salt water. There are other species of gators in the Americas but they are not established here. One, the Caiman’s skin, is commonly made into cowboy boots but its leather is considered by most to be inferior to the gator and croc. The boots are cheaper to buy, too. Hey Roy Roseville, if you are inclined to buy reptile cowboy boots, you should probably start looking in the Caiman section. No offense meant!

May I regress please? Thank you!

Well, I wrote previously that the good democrat Senator couldn’t predict the weather effects on the python hunt. As you recall he stated the numbers killed were low because it was so warm they stayed hidden and didn’t need to get sun warmed. Well, lo and behold as most of you know, it is ‘pritty’ cold all over the country right now, including Florida and even South Florida. As a result the numbers of pythons turned in went down with the temperature. A total of 21 were caught while warn and only 9 were caught while it has been cold. I forgot when the Senator thought the last iceberg would melt in the Arctic Ocean.

‘Whoa Nellie’, the Tuesday numbers update is crossing the wire as I write. Seven more were turned in to the authorities from the weekend search. The temperature has risen a little but the number caught is about the same. The good Senator is still on the hook! To me the  37 killed is low and disappointing. I hope the activity picks up the last two weeks of the challenge.

I haven’t heard anything out of Buford or Burlene, or how the ex-con, Justin, and his trained Harris hawk are doing. I assume no news is not good news in their quest to take home the dough. I did hear that pop top cans of Bud are sometimes hard to find down South and the empty bottles roll around in the back of the F-150’s too much.

May I digress please? Thank you! 

 Ya’ll remember Pyeggy Python, don’t you? She was the 17’ 7” beauty harboring 87 eggs that was caught last summer and reported by, well, me. She is laid out on the table above and being studied by what appears to be students, probably starving grad students, at the University of Florida. The way it works is like this: the professor tells students what he/she wants studied and recorded and then he/she writes a scientific paper and takes all the credit for conducting the study. Hmmm!

May I regress please? Thank you!

My friend Ted and I had breakfast planned at ‘The Broken Egg’ in Lakewood Ranch today. But he backed out at the last minute by claiming he forgot he was supposed to go to school with his third grader grandson today. I went anyway and had breakfast with an old friend from grad school. Several weeks ago, while Ted was scratching through the left over pieces of biscuits and gravy on his plate with his fork, he mentioned that he had conducted tests in the past with a Dr. Dave Schuster at the local University of Florida Agricultural Experiment Station. That name rang a bell in the ol’ noggin. I asked him where Dave went to grad school and he didn’t know. He did say, “It wasn’t Clemson. I would not forget that”. Ted went to Clemson you know. I told him that I thought I knew him from the old days. When I got home I looked up his bio and, lo and behold, we were students at Kansas State at the same time and before I completed my studies and degree at Oklahoma State, he showed up there.

Well, to make another long story short, after a few non starts he was able to join us, minus Ted of course, for breakfast today. He was older than I remembere, but I would have recognized him anywhere. I suppose he viewed me about the same way. We swapped stories and recalled old friends and he agreed to come back again next time.

The Breakfast Bunny didn’t wait on us today but she did stop by to say hi and ask where Ted was. She also accused us of going to some other joint since according to her we hadn’t been in for more than a month. She is wrong, however. If my calendar could talk, it would say it has only been three weeks.

Hasta luego y con mucho gusto, mi amigos!!!!

Burmese Python Hunt After One Week

The latest number I have seen states 1141 hunters from 32 states and Canada registered and paid the $25.00 fee to be able to capture and kill pythons in the Florida Everglades. So far only 21 snakes have been logged in by the authorities. The hunters include a convicted felon who is not allowed to carry a gun. He trained a Harris hawk to find pythons and alert him. There has been no word on his success at this time. A father-daughter team, Buford and Burlene Pygnoramus, are registered professional snake hunters. Hey Roy Roseville, the correct pronunciation is pig-nor-amos. The pros get to attach a sticker to their truck door that reads “FWC Python Agent” or something like that and they can transport live pythons, for some reason.

 Prior to the Rangers firing his Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum pistol over the hunter’s heads and felling the vulture, Buford and Burlene were sitting on the tailgate of their F-150 in the parking lot, just waiting for the start. Dad opened the cooler, grabbed a couple of beverages and popped the top on a 24 oz. can of Bud and Burlene unscrewed the cap on a 16 oz. bottle of Coke. She proceeded to open a pack of Planters® Salted Peanuts and after taking a big swig, formed a funnel over the opening with her left hand and poured the peanuts into the bottle. Yum, yum!! I used to do that as a kid in Marana, AZ. But that’s another story.

 There are also many TV crews from around the State, States and World trying to film the action. Several reality TV crews have employed hunters to follow around. One crew chief, wearing skinny blue jeans and a sombrero, said that all the hunters he had filmed had necks the color red. I heard the reality TV crews are not above making stuff up if the real deal is not on tap.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

Do you remember back in the 50’s and 60’s, some will some won’t, when professional ‘rasslin’ was big on black and white TV? Nearly all towns of any size had some kind of arena or gym and the pros would all show up riding in the same cars to perform. When the bouts started they would act like they put sharp stuff inside the masks that some of them wore or get brass knuckles from somewhere while the referee’s attention was diverted. Before the fight was over there would be blood everywhere. To make a long story short, the blood was faked but my Grand Dad on my Dad’s side thought it was real and would sit right up next to the TV and holler and cuss the ref and the bad guy.

One of the most commonly used submission holds employed was the sleeper, where one would get a head hold and choke off the others air and make him pass out or maybe it was the Boston crab, where the loser was on his stomach and the winner sat on him backwards, grabbed his ankles and pulled the legs in the wrong direction. Boy, it doesn’t take long before the hurt one starts slapping the canvas giving up! Talk about fake, they have cleaned it up considerably and I don’t think they use the blood anymore. Do they?

 May I regress? Thank you!

 Well, needless to say, you can still buy fake blood somewhere and a reliable source saw a TV crew film a staged python bite on a hunter’s hand. He went into the bushes, squirted the fake blood on his hand and then came out screaming and yelling, “I’m python bit”! The hunter left the blood on his hand, drove back into town and sold the right to film his snake bit hand to other filmers. In reality, the python bite is not poisonous, but is painful since they have several backward pointing teeth.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 We have a democrat U.S. Senator down here in Florida that flies in from D.C. every time a photo op pops up or he can get on TV. He doesn’t know how to balance a budget or vote ‘No’ on stupid legislation but he knows the reason only 21 pythons have been caught and killed so far is caused by global warming. It is so hot this winter the pythons stay hid and don’t sunbathe. Ha! I bet a hundred dollars he can tell you the precise month, day, year and time the last iceberg in the Arctic Ocean will melt.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 One thing that python and alligator hunters have in common is the use of the term ‘jump on it’. They say that in reference to taking control of the animal. The python hunter will pounce from the side or back and grab it right behind the head. The alligator nabber will jump on the back and grab the snout and hold the mouth closed while his buddy tapes it shut with refrigeration tape. I was brought up calling it duct tape. I don’t think refrigeration was invented until I was about 17.  You can pretty much have your way with a python if you get it by the tail. You can pull it around and position it so you can get it behind the head. If you get the head and tail at the same time, you’ve got him.

 One hunter, submitting to an interview, shared a story about jumpin’ on a python and missing its head. He said, “if you miss, the snake’ll face ya and raise its head nut high. That’ll cause you to back off in a hurry”. Another fellow told about jumpin’ on an alligator and missin’ a few years back and it was the worst mistake he’s made in his life.

Well that’s all there is for now folks. I’m hoping the action picks up since it has cooled of considerably here and the global warming threat has subsided.

Stay tuned!!!

Burmese Python Hunt

This time of year in the lives of Young Alvin, Baby Alex and, hopefully, the kid that lives in our lake is kind of like major league baseball. The long season is over, it is too cold to play and the time is spent resting up for it all to begin again next spring. My beloved San Francisco Giants are reloading for a defense of their World Series win and sweep of the Detroit Tigers.

What a bunch of bums they were. Prince who??? I think my Arizona State Class ‘B’ Champion Hayden High School Wolves, 1959, could have whomped the Tigers. It may have taken seven instead of four, however!!

Anyway, a great idea popped up this morning and I feel obligated to inform you of an action taken by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, commonly known as the FWC. I don’t believe the California Department of Fish and Game would ever take the chance of irking the likes of the environmentalists by allowing anything this bold to occur in their State. But that’s just me.

Because of the off season, I have not obtained permission from Alvin to publish an article about a non-related reptile in the Chronicles. I certainly hope he understands my intent.

May I digress please? Thank you!

 You may or may not know, probably not, that the local Bradenton high school football team, ‘Manatee Hurricanes’, have been ranked the #1 team in the nation all season long, by the powers that be. I don’t think they scored less than 50 points in any game all season. They played on TV a couple of times and their stadium seats 7000 fans. In Florida there is a playoff system, that I don’t quite understand, that determines the state champion for each division. Well, the Hurricanes were sent down to Ft.Lauderdale to play a bunch of Catholic boys from St. Thomas Aquinas college preparatory high school, since 1938. Evidently some intervention by a higher authority took place and the Hurricanes came away 35-18 losers. I am convinced that the Catholics were empowered because I saw pictures of a couple of our Manatee players in the newspaper and they had mustaches that would have made my Uncle George envious. Whew!!!

 May I digress further please? Thank you!

 One of my Roseville friends, who was portrayed as Nuthaniel Nutria because of his capability to reproduce has updated his employment status recently. The wife and I came to know him as the bartender at the local Olive Garden. He was a student at Cal State Sacramento studying Civil Engineering and his goal was to become employed by CALTRANS, which is the highway department in California. Before we moved from the area he left the OG after earning an internship at Caltrans and was able to hide out of site when Governor Jerry Brown looked around for people to cut in an attempt to save money. Well, to make a long story short, he graduated and was offered a position way up North in Eureka, marijuana growing country.

Nuthaniel, Nukari, Nuisaac and the nuone in the oven will be moving soon. Congrats!!!!!

 He assured me that the position comes with a brand new shovel for him to lean on and he can now check out a four door pickup that sleeps six from the motor pool. No problema! Now, with the State benefits package in his hip pocket and his paycheck direct deposited to the bank, he will have more than enough time for salmon and steelhead fishing and he is so inspired by ‘The Gator Chronicles’ that he intends to start his own blog soon.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

You undoubtedly remember the ramble about the female Burmese python captured and killed in the ‘Everglades’ this spring. The gal, Pyeggy, had 87 eggs removed during an ovarbotomy performed on her. I remarked then that we were fortunate to have trapped and de-egged her before the eggs were laid. Well, there is still a bunch more Pyeggy’s out there and the FWC has opened a season on them. From January 12 – February 10 anyone can register to participate in the hunt. That includes professionals, amateurs, bored snowbirds and golfers, widows, homeless, bigamists or whoever. I’ve got some macho hunting relatives over in Tucson that might be interested if they can get off work. Maybe not though since one of the rules is that you can’t stand off 50 yards and take pot shots at them with a rifle. A gun can be used to kill the snake after it is subdued with a shot to the brain only. The alternative is to decapitate it with a machete. Zip, boom, bah!

 The FWC is encouraging the public to form a militia and assist in the elimination of the Burmese python through this hunt and educating to prevent future releases of unwanted pets into the wild. The progeny of this prolific invasive species are increasing like wildfire. You don’t even have to have a hunting license to compete but it will cost you $25 to register and a 40 minute training video must be watched online. The video is to educate the hunter about the hunt and the hunted. The hunt will be open in four public areas in South Florida only. The prize money is not that great but there will be 2 divisions; pros who have a hunting permit and amateurs who do not have a permit. Each division will offer a $1500 prize for the most pythons killed and a $1000 prize for the longest snake. Remember that Pyeggy was 17’ 7” long so we will see how the winning lengths match up statistically.

 The snakes must be dead when brought in and in no more than 2 pieces; the severed head and the rest of the body. That is to discourage cheating by cutting up more than one snake and trying to piece together a very long one. The FWC must have observed some of the things the ‘Swamp People’ did on TV.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 The FWC is trying to make cheating more difficult than voting in Florida at the regular polling place on Election Day. That’s when the Republicans show up to cast their ballots. Otherwise, cheating is allowed if you are a democrat and choose to vote during the early voting sessions. The dems. chant is ‘vote early and vote often’ and if your neighbor died, vote for him/her too.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 If a hunter chooses to be disqualified, he or she should do one of the following:

 1). Kill pet snakes at home and say they were killed on the hunt.

 2). Post zany sadistic You Tube videos or Facebook postings.

 3). Post inhumane or sadistic videos or photos on any social media.

 The FWC will attempt to keep this hunt classy.

 Head em’ up, move em’ out!!!!

 Quiz question (optional)- What chance does a State sponsored hunt like this have in California?????

 Nile crocodile

We all know through the education I have presented to you that alligator and crocodile temperaments are quite dissimilar. They are sort of like the difference between a good and bad mother- in- law (mil). The bad mil and the croc both have nastier temperaments. In my first go round, I must say, I did have one of the nastier ones. But that’s just me.

In another instance, and I’m sure the California Dept. of Fish and Game would never sanction this, the FWC has issued a rare shoot to kill authorization to its Crocodile Relocation Agents. As you know, crocs are an endangered species in the U.S. and must be trapped and moved rather than killed like the alligator. However this Nile dude is an invasive species that is not supposed to be in Florida and most likely was an unruly pet turned loose by the owner. Although the Nile and American crocs are in the same genus, scientists don’t think an offspring would result from cross breeding.

 The Nile croc from Africa prefers fresh water over salt, making it more likely to come in contact with humans. It can jump higher, run faster, grow longer and has a nastier temperament than its American cousin. Minus the temperament part, that description kind of sounds like our kids who have grown up eating pesticide treated food all their lives; run faster, jump higher, grow taller!!! Not too shabby is it. But that’s just me.

 The Nile croc gets big, 20 feet, is vicious, aggressive and humans are easy targets. The American croc, although more aggressive than an alligator, is a pussy cat compared to the Nile croc. The specimen in question is only three feet long, not particularly dangerous now and not sexually mature. It is highly unlikely that a mate would be encountered. The FWC team has spent 1000 hours day and night, in and out of boats trying to unsuccessfully trap, lasso or harpoon the small croc. It is believed someone trapped the thing recently and let it go, so it is now more elusive and wary of human .

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 I must find time to put together a piece on the geographic distrbution of the Crocodylidae family. Finding time!!! I am retired you know.

My friend Ted was scratching through the remains of his chorizo and eggs with his fork last Thursday morning at the ‘Broken Egg’ in Lakewood Ranch trying to explain why he didn’t go to the University of Florida field day on Tuesday. Hey Roy Roseville, I have to set up the breakfast deal here just like I did in Roseville. Even though I moved I still get to ‘boss’. Anyway, pardon my digression from the digress. I couldn’t have breakfast Monday because I had an appointment with my eye quack and Ted couldn’t do it Tuesday because he was going to the field day. He said it was a two hour drive to get there and I could have a free lunch paid for by the Dupont Rep. if I wanted to go with him. I really wanted to go but had to decline since a plumber was coming to the house to fix the wife’s toilet.

Anyway, I asked him if the University taught him anything at the field day. He cleared his throat and said in a somewhat guilty voice, “I didn’t go”. I said, “you didn’t go, after offering me a ride and telling me how good it would be and taking advantage of the Dupont Rep. by eating the competitors food”. “Why” I asked, “didn’t you go”??? He said he woke up and decided it wasn’t worth the two hour drive and went back to sleep. He is retired too, you know.

Raccoon Pack Sets Up Shop in Lido Key Park on Beach

 On any given day, park goers on Lido Key Beach in Sarasota can be hounded by wild animals, raccoons, that have become tamed and people-dependent by feeding. Signs warn not to feed animals but humans know better and ignore the warning. The dudes steal food right off picnic tables when attention is not focused on them and/or they follow people with food and beg like a dog; therefore the term “hounded”.

May I digress please? Thank you.

I did not receive permission from Young Alvin to go to press with this non-alligator related prose because he has been a no show for at least a month now. I did a little digging and did find out that gators do not actually go into true hibernation but their metabolism slows way down when the temperature dips down below about 70°F and they stop eating. They often construct burrows to stay in and can survive freezing temperatures by keeping the nostrils above water that may freeze around them. Young Alvin, Little Alex and the other kid may have wandered away to find a winter home that is more to their liking than our lake, which is full of water and doesn’t appear to have suitable places for burrow building. I really hope Alvin didn’t eat the smaller two.

May I digress further please? Thank You.

The leader of this pack of about 50± is a sophisticated but pompous one with four initials in his name, RRRR, Randolph Randall Randley Raccoon. He is simply known as ‘Randy’ by locals. Most likely he has heritage from England, France or Germany or some other place ‘over there’. I’ve only known one four initial person that I know of, JWFF. I believe his heritage is Germany and Yakima, WA.

May I regress please? Thank you.

Since there is no RNT (Raccoon Nuisance Trapper) program in existence, Sarasota County has hired a trapping service to corral the critters and get them off the beach. Since these people-oriented thieves need to be active when people are around, they defy their inborn instinct to be nocturnal or active at night, Roy Roseville. Since ‘that gang won’t hunt’ it has little chance of surviving without people feeding them. Relocation is out of the question so the trappers have the authority to humanely euthanize them.

May I digress please? Thank you.

I called Tony Lama over in El Paso and told him about the 50 skins coming on the market. He said he doesn’t make cowboy, cowgirl or cowkid boots out of coonskin and he is too old to start making Dan’l Boone hats. Do you know of a place to unload  them? I think I can earn a commission if I find a source for the skins. And brother, I need the dough. I am retired you know.

Gator Seen Climbing Fence in Manatee County

 I don’t know if this relative of Young Alvin’s, Uncle Aliver Alligator, actually made it over the fence. The photographer said a raccoon was walking on the fence top some how or another and the ‘Unc’ may have been after it.

‘Anyhoo’, this went on in my county! In other words, my backyard! The photos were taken by a county employee who works at the waste water treatment plant. He sent them to a TV station in Sarasota and it made the local news. Alligators are often seen in the treatment ponds, even though they are enclosed by the cyclone fence topped with barbed wire.

Well, to speculate; if a raccoon, possum, armadillo, reindeer or any other critter was seen by Alvin atop my lanai and he decided to go after it, Lord be with me! He would tear up the screen door covering and be in my swimming pool before I could say scat.

How to Turn No. 1 into No. 2!

Camaraderie

My friend Ted and I had breakfast at the ‘Broken Egg’ on Monday. Dick Vitale, better known as Dickie V, is a local yokel and hangs out there most days from 8 AM to 1 PM pushing the latest of the nine books he has authored and other basketball stuff. He will sign any thing you buy and donates all the proceeds to cancer sufferers and research. If you don’t know Dickie V, he is now a college basketball announcer who seems to favor the Duke Blue Devils, even if they are not playing. In his day, he did coaching stints at Rutgers and University of Detroit, both basketball powerhouses we all know, and the Detroit Pistons in the NBA.

Hey Roy Roseville, if you want more on Dickie V, just Google him. Ted was scratching at the remainder of his ‘Eggs Benedict’ with his fork as I put the question to him about needing a spot to place 50 coonskins. Ted is from South Carolina and graduated from Clemson, so I figured he would be able to help me easily. He is so loyal to his alma mater, as most Southerners are, that he drove all the way from Bradenton to Clemson (581 miles, 10 hours and 3 minutes) to watch them play football against somebody, weekend before last. And he didn’t even have a ticket but said you can always find somebody trying to unload one before the game. He said he got a good seat about 50 rows up in one of the end zones. He told me but I forgot who they played.

Sorry I got distracted, but that’s just me. Since he was from South Carolina, he was a lot closer to where Dan’l hung out in Kentucky, North Carolina or Tennessee or wherever it was. Anyway, the boy didn’t know who to contact or who made coonskin caps. But he did say he could get me some moonshine. Unfortunately I had to decline that offer since I gave it up many moons ago.

Still looking!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving